Biketodetroit

Every journalistic enterprise must have a set of standards, and we are no exception. Each day we must make dozens of decisions under extraordinary time pressure, as to what is appropriate to report to you, our readers, and what is not appropriate. Like the San Francisco Chronicle, our objective is to titilate, but never actually to offend. In addition we believe that you, like most newspaper readers, wish to be informed, but not too well informed. Based on these principles we disclose to you that full and accurate reporting of our venture is being compromised to decorum. We are attempting to give you as accurate a report of our days as we can, but there are some things we simply cannot do withour compromising our standards.
Our most frequent topic of discussion relates to the contact between body and bike seat, and the consequenses and treatment thereof. I am only permitted to issue this formal statement: "It is believed that conditions are improving." No follow up questions are permitted. The original proposal for the statement was: "Conditions appear to be improving," but it was rejected for fear that it implied greater intimacy than was intended.
The second most frequent topic of discussion is urination. The need to hydrate produces a direct result which affects the very rhythm of our lives. In Nevada the historical markers were the only thing available to lean a bike against; as a result we "marked" every historical marker we saw. But they were few and far between. We developed a strategy of standing right at the edge of the road, as though just pausing for a rest, to urinate. There were so few vehicles passing that this worked well, and even if one came by, the position was ambiguous. Once you actually leave the road, for example to find a bush (if one were to exist), your true purpose is broadcast to anyone in sight.
This strategy proved so successful that we have taken to urinating at will, whenever the urge strikes. I am concerned that as we move east this approach will bring problems, and I have urged restraint, to no avail. To my surprise there have been no recriminations yet in Utah, but I think only because their attention is consumed with the problem of Polygamy Porter.
For a few days we considered establishing an adult access section of this blog to deal with these delicate issues for those craven enough to want to know more. We were quite excited about the revenue possibilities until we realized that our primary audience would be persons under the age of 10, and the entire business plan was scrapped.
This will be our final report on these matters, at least until we have something really interesting. In the meantime, you, our readers, can open the blog in complete confidence that nothing untidy will spoil your day.
The Editor